Naked Trees

Most of my family and closest friends know my medical history.  If you would like details (because it is way too much for me to summarize) please read my previous post from 2 years ago, titled Psalm 73:26

Without getting into too much detail, I was born with heart disease, had 3 open heart surgeries in my first year of life, and pacemaker placed when I was 8 years old.

It is very common for children and adults with congenital heart disease to develop pulmonary collaterals.  Pulmonary collaterals are arteries that develop within the body to "help" bring blood to poorly functioning lungs.  In the majority of cases, this does not help.  The body believes it is doing a good thing, but these arteries are not necessary and can cause a lot of trouble.  The blood pressure in these extra arteries is usually higher and there's a chance they can bleed.

That's exactly what happened in 2007 when I was pregnant.  They coiled the arteries which were bleeding  (coiling is exactly what it sounds like - they take a wire and literally coil/wrap the wire over and over the artery until it stops blood flow), basically cutting off as much blood supply as they were able to.

Unfortunately, that was not the end of my trouble, because there are many, many collaterals within my lungs and it is near impossible to coil them all. They would have removed the entire left lung if my anatomy was normal, but because of excessive scar tissue and other factors, I was told that attempting to remove it was much more risky than leaving it, even though leaving it in meant that it was at risk to bleed again.

So, since 2007, I've lived my life knowing that there was a possibility of bleeding any day, but remaining hopeful that it would not happen.  All procedures to check on these vessels are too invasive, so the only way to know if they are bleeding is if I start coughing up blood again.

I've lived a normal life for 11 years, and for the most part I have not been consumed with the fear of what could happen.  But I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't reminded every now and then.

Every time I cough forcefully there's this tiny fear in the back of mind that says
"This is it.  It's going to happen again"

And this may seem silly, but in the winter I am reminded every time I look out my window or drive down the road.

Every barren, naked tree I pass is a visual reminder of my anatomy.

After the cardio catheterization 2 years ago, my cardiologist showed me images.  Don't get me wrong,  I loved being able to see these images and understand my condition better.  The inner workings of our lungs/veins looks eerily similar to naked branches of a tree.  And he also explained it using the terms "branches"

"See, this artery comes down like this and then branches off into more vessels"

My lungs have so many pulmonary collaterals and my internal "wiring" is so jacked up that it's just a hot mess of branches going every which way.

So, naturally, when I'm sitting at my kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee, watching the barren trees outside my window, I can't help but be reminded of what's going on internally within me.

Fast forward to January 3, 2018

I had been sick for over a month with a horrible cough.  2 days prior to Januarry 3rd my cough had finally stopped, and I was incredibly relieved. 

The night of January 3rd, I did some light cleaning, ate dinner and then laid in bed at about 8:30 and began googling a random question on my phone.  Out of no where, I had a coughing fit.  As I was coughing I could feel and taste blood gurgling in my throat.  I ran to the bathroom and spit out the mouthful of blood.

Then I calmly called my cardiologist and informed him that I just coughed up blood and would have someone drive me to the hospital.

I called Jacob, he got home in less than 10 minutes, and drove me.

They immediately took me to the cath lab.  They were in my arteries until 2:30 am and never found the source of bleeding.  That's great news!  No active bleeding.  As great as that is, part of me wishes they would have found the source of bleeding and could have coiled it.

The position that puts me in now, is that we are just assuming that it was from my left lung.
And because they are assuming it is that lung (in truth, it most likely is the source of bleeding, but I hate not being certain of things), my doctor believes that I'm at risk for that lung to bleed again at any time.

He believes I should have that lung removed.

I'm hesitant to jump on that wagon, because I had many doctors tell me 10 years ago how risky that procedure would be.

So, here are my current choices:

A.  Get my lung removed, which is risky.

B.  Or...I can choose to not get the surgery (which is also risky) 
That would mean I would be walking around like a ticking time bomb, hoping that I have no further bleeding.  And if I did have further bleeding, then my only option will be A.

Neither choice is appealing.  And the weight of these thoughts and decisions is so heavy.

I am choosing to not choose at the moment.  We are waiting to hear back from the Mayo Clinic on their opinion, and I have a follow up appointment next Tuesday with my cardiologist.

I have faith that I will know the right decision to make, and that God will guide and protect me through either choice. 

I am simply in waiting right now; waiting on the Mayo Clinic; waiting on my body to possibly do something crazy; waiting on God to give me peace about a decision.

All  prayers, positive energy, encouraging words, and kind thoughts that have been given have been so appreciated.  Please keep them coming until we get this all figured out.