Friday, September 24, 2010

Are you kidding me, Daniel?

My husband and I are opposites in many ways.  There are things that he says and does that just baffle my mind and make me wonder "Really?  Are you really the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with?"  I realize this sounds really bad, which is why I plan on making my next post about the things I love about him.  But for is a list of things that I love, that Dan (to my complete amazement) does not care for.  

                                                         Rally to Restore Sanity?  Yes, please.

1.  Jon Stewart.  It's not that he dislikes him, but Jon would not be on his list of favorite people.  Which is absolutely crazy to me!  He's hilarious and intelligent...and damn sexy. What is there not to like?  Dan says, "Eh, he's okay.  I don't think he's that funny" What?!

Here is some evidence that supports my case. Check out the link of him on Oprah.  How can you not love this man?

                                              He is so precious.  Ok, on to the next subject...


2.  Banana Pancakes.  Who in their right mind does not love banana pancakes?  In Dan's defense, he does not care for bananas unless they are sort of green.  But I am the same way and I still love banana pancakes, so that's still not an excuse.  And I also want to bring up the walnuts in the picture.  Dan does not eat walnuts, nor does he eat ANY type of nut.  Well, except for peanut... butter. Ridiculous.

                                           "Just keep swimming...just keep swimming...swimming, swimming..."

3.  Dori from Finding Nemo.  It's Ellen DeGeneres in fish form.  Come on!  I was so upset when I found out his disdain for Dori.  It really hurt my heart.  AND he doesn't even like the movie Finding Nemo.  He has no heart.  Speaking of having no heart...

                                                               Merry Christmas

4.  Holidays.  Dan does not like any occasion that most people love celebrating.  All of the festivities and merriment are just too much for him to handle.  This is appalling to me, since I ADORE holidays.  I start preparing for Christmas before Halloween.  I believe in birth weeks, instead of birth days.  I have actually contemplated, on more than one occasion, filling out a calender with a "holiday" for every day (ex:  Jan. 3rd "Bubble Gum" day, Jan 4th "Crazy Hats" day, Jan 5th "I Love Pastrami" day...etc)  that way every day can be a celebration and I will always be thankful. 

                       "I mean, can't we just, like, kick this old school?  Like, I have the baby, put it in a basket and send it your way... like, Moses and the reeds?" 

5Juno.  This movie was genius.  Every character was relatable and acted brilliantly.  The script was clever, but not so much that you felt it was trying to be clever.  The music was perfect.  Basically, I loved it all.  And Dan didn't like any of it.  He said it had "fake, quirky characters that do not exist in real life"  The only thing I can chaulk this up to is him being home schooled and only knowing the same 20 people his whole life.  Boo ya! (He hates when I bring up that he was home schooled.  Sadly though, he probably doesn't even know what "boo ya" means...most likely because he was home schooled)

Oh Dan, I do love you.  Let me count thy my next post.


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Show Me 'Dem Boobies. Please?

Adalee is now fascinated with my breasts.  It all started last week when I was in a low cut, pajama shirt-sans bra- and I caught her looking down my shirt.  "What's those?", she asked.  I thought for a minute on whether I should just say "my body" or be more specific.  She's old enough, I thought..."Those are mommy's boobies" She proudly hit her chest and said, "And these are my boobies!"

I tried to explain that she does not have boobies yet...they are for grown ups...when she's older she'll have boobies...etc.  After I told her this she got SO excited and announced  (while jumping up and down)  "Yes! When I get older I will have big boobies just like you!!" What I wanted to tell her was that mommy's boobies are really not big, so if that's the goal she's aiming for... she really better set her hopes on taking after daddy's side of the family.  But I kept that to myself.

Ever since this conversation, she's been asking to see my boobies. 

"Can I see your boobies, mommy?" 

"No, Adalee.  I'm sorry but those are private."

She then throws a fit, "But I really, really want to see them!"

"Adalee, stop that right now!  It's not nice to ask people for their boobies.  We keep our boobies to ourself"

Then she calms down, turns on the charm and says with the sweetest smile, "Mommy, can I please see your boobies... just one more time?"  The same tactic she uses when sweet talking me into giving her 5 extra goldfish crackers, is the one she uses when asking me to expose myself to her.  It's terrible.  AND I hate that word...boobies.  But because I chose that word for them I have to hear it all day long.

Last night was pretty funny, though.  I had just come out of the shower and she ran into the bedroom before I had a chance to throw my clothes on (Dan was supposed to be watching her so I could shower in peace)  When she saw me she started laughing hysterically and said, "Mommy, you aren't wearing your shirt!  You are just wearing your boobies!  That is so silly"  We both had a good laugh about that.

I guess my point in sharing this with people is that I, obviously, think it's funny.  And also, as a warning that my daughter may ask to see your breasts.  I apologize.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Snake In The Closet

So last night I looked out onto our patio and saw this...

I do not like snakes.  I don't scream and act like a crazy when I see one, but my body gets very cold and I get goosebumps...and then I feel nauseous.  Nothing crazy though :)  Giving Suki the benefit of the doubt I thought to myself, "Surely she's not playing with a snake..."  I mean, come on, there is a perfectly good, colorful cat toy right there!  Why in the world would she be playing with a snake?  And despite there being a giant field behind our house AND our backyard having a garden, I like to believe that snakes live very, far, far away.  I decided to grow some balls and further investigate.  I went outside and discovered that yes, she was indeed playing with a snake.


So I ran back inside and continued to watch her bite at, pounce on, and play hacky sac with it for at least an hour.  Don't ask me why I watched, because I definitely couldn't tell you.  It was very disturbing.   I watched this without throwing up and I did not cry while telling Dan, so I was pretty proud of myself last night.

Today, however, is a different story.  Adalee came out of her room screaming her head off, crying that there was a snake in her closet.  I immediately felt my body turn to ice and shivers shoot down my arms.  As absolutely RIDICULOUS it would be for an actual snake to be in her closet I somehow managed to come up with some ways for this to be possibile...

Perhaps Suki dragged the "dead" snake into the house and it had slithered into her closet... or perhaps she brought in the dead snake and it was, in fact, dead.  And there is now a nasty, decomposing, dead snake in her closet

(and this is where I really started to lose my mind and realized that my fear of snakes may be greater than I had originally thought)...
Perhaps Suki ingested the whole "dead" snake (somehow keeping the entire body intact)  and when she came into the house it slithered out of her butt (or mouth,doesn't really matter which) and is now in the closet, waiting...ready to attack.

If it was, in fact, dead.  She ingested the dead snake (intact, of course) and pooped it into Adalee's closet.

Yes, I realize the absurdity of these "possibilities".  I should have just gone into the closet and showed Adalee there was no snake.  But instead, I calmly told Adalee that there was no snake in her closet and to stop saying such silly things.  When she wanted me to go look,  I told her that the idea of a snake being in her closet was so absurd that I would not go look.  She needed to stop being a baby and go look for herself (I'm terrible)  It's been 5 hours and neither of us have gone into the closet.  I'm waiting for Dan to get home.