Television Crushes

Television is, and always has been, a huge part of my life.  Over the past 20 years I've built some seriously intense, one-sided relationships with some of the characters.  You know you have some of your own.  We can't help it, really.  After years of getting to know the most intimate details of their lives we become attached.  It's a shame they are fictional, and also a blessing... because you know you would be a huge creeper if they were, in fact, real.

Here are my Top 5 Television Crushes:

                                                     Dawson Leery (Dawson's Creek)


From the ages  13-19  I was obsessed with Dawson's Creek.  I related most to the character of Joey, so it makes sense that I fell hard for Dawson Leery.  He was a gentleman...a dreamer...very naive and hopeful.  Sure, he had some very corny, mushy lines, but he somehow pulled them off and made me a believer in love.  For a teenage girl,  dealing with her parents divorce, hating all men and losing faith in humanity, Dawson was my savior.  That show was my therapy, and I will always love Dawson Leery.

                                                                  Mr. Shuester   (Glee)



Oh, Mr. Shue.  You are such a dream boat.  For those unfamiliar with Glee, let me give you the rundown.  Will Shuester is a Spanish teacher, who decides to take over the Glee club.  For the home schooled kids reading this, a "Glee club" is basically show choir, or what I like to call, bedazzled singing.  Anywho... he is a nerd,  speaks a second language, sings, is passionate about encouraging his students and basically just a very kind hearted person.  Combine all that with a butt chin, hairy chest and gorgeous smile and I'm hooked.  Take a look at this nerdy yumminess...

                                                       Charlie Kelly  (It's Always Sunny...)


As soon as you start to think I have a pattern of going for the nerdy, artistic, do-gooder type, I whip out Charlie.  Wild card, bitches!!  I have to admit that I hated this kid when I first watched the show.   His high pitched, constant yelling annoyed the hell out of me.  Then I got to know him...and, well, you know the rest of the story. 

Charlie is so so stupid, but so lovable.  And the most hilarious person - ever.  In real life, this is the guy that I would've loved to be best friends with, possibly hook up with once, but never ever consider seriously dating because of his poor grammar and hygiene. And most importantly, because of his general stupidity

 OR ...this would be the guy that I would be secretly in love with, but hesitant to admit  to myself and pursue a relationship with, because of the previously listed flaws. 

Pheww! Good thing he's just pretend and I don't have to actually deal with those decisions

Favorite Charlie quotes:

"Wild card, bitches!!"

"Day man;  fighter of the night man.  Champion of the sun.  You're a master of karate and friendship, for everyone"

"Taked baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime.”

"Here's a confession: I’m in love with a man. What?  I’m in love with a man ... a man named God. Does that make me gay...am I gay for God?  You betcha.”

                                                                 John Locke  (LOST)



Yeah yeah, I'm just bouncing all over the place here.  I don't exactly have a "type".  I know he's old enough to be my father -possibly grandfather- but I don't care.  Love knows no age.  If we were talking about physical attraction alone, there are two other Losties (that's what us nerds call the Lost characters) that would beat Locke, hands down:  Desmond and Charlie.  But we are talking about the whole package.   Locke's passion for truth, spiritual strength, and insane loyalty to the island trumps fleeting, physical attraction.   

Lost has many christian references and draws many parallels between the characters on the island and biblical/religious figures.  John Locke was almost a Jesus figure to the island.  He obeyed and trusted the "island" to the very end.  Although he had his breakdowns and contemplated suicide twice, he always got back up and remained faithful.  He was eventually killed by another Lostie, who was influenced by an evil force.  But if it wasn't for his death, Jack Shepard would not have gained his faith and become the leader of the island, which was the island's plan all along.   Jack, who initially thought Locke was insane, finally admits in the end that Locke was  "right about everything"

My mother hated this song when it came out, because she found it to be sacrilegious.  Sorry mama...








Sticking with my "love knows no age" motto, we move on to my final crush...

                                                    Kevin Arnold (The Wonder Years)


This picture had me nearly pissing my pants when I found it.  Too funny.  But seriously, I love this kid.  Yeah I used a creepy, pedophilic (word?) photo for laughs, but Kevin Arnold grows up to be a man on the series, so this crush is appropriate.  Out of all the characters on the history of television, I admire Kevin the most.  He is probably the closest thing to perfection.  Talk about honesty and self-reflection!  Even as a child, he was always so insightful and full of wisdom.   But I almost didn't want to list him, because I adore him and Winnie. I must include him though, because he is the epitome of what a boy/man should be. 

Besides, him and Winnie don't end up together anyway.
That being said, this clip is probably going to be brutal to watch...










I must pay special tribute to my other favorite, fictional men who did not make the list:

Michael Scott [The Office]

It was so hard not putting him on my list
Screw it, Top 6!  He has to be in there.


                                          

  Jordan Catalano [My So-Called Life]

Jordan was such a shitty guy on the show,
so I couldn't put him in the Top 5,
but holy mama is he beautiful.

Michael Bluth [Arrested Development]

Quiet, funny, business savvy, great father
All around good guy




                          



JTT (Jonathan Taylor Thomas)
[Home Improvement]

I chose the classic Teen Beat pose

I seriously thought I was going to marry
this boy.  I find it funny that every girl
I knew felt the same way and we all secretly
thought that the others were crazy, because
we knew that we were his true soul mate.

I find it even funnier that he is married to no one.  He fooled us all