"I Didn't Fart...I Was Just Making Elephant Noises" and Other Embarrassing Stories

I moved from Chicago, Illinois to Memphis, Tennessee in the 6th grade (11 yrs old).  It was not a very smooth transition.  I was born in Chicago (south side), and lived in culturally diverse neighborhoods  throughout childhood.  We moved to a quiet cul-de-sac in a suburb outside of Memphis and it was very different from what I was used to.  Don't get me wrong, it was very exciting and it felt like my family was moving up the social ladder (popularity was always the most important thing at that age) but still, very different.

 So, as you can imagine, things that were "cool" in the windy city weren't cool in these southern suburbs. You will be able to see in the pictures that my "style" of flannel shirts and crop tops were not a hit with the popular kids.  Middle school was rough.  High school wasn't much better.  It has been 10 yrs since these events took place and I can now laugh...so, please, feel free to laugh as loud as you like.  I tried to keep these stories in chronological order.


** I had an imaginary dog in 6th grade.  Oh, you think I'm joking?  No.  She was a miniature, white poodle, named Fifi.  I carried a picture of her with me to show people who could not see her.  I had a pretend leash for her too.  She went to class with me.  I created her mostly as a joke, but looking back now I think I was kinda lonely.  Oh, and she died by suicide on the last day of 6th grade by jumping off the school roof.  Or so the story goes...

Yeah, I realize that one is more disturbing than funny, but stick with me here.


** 6th grade:  I made a cat in art class out of paper mache and I spent hours on it.  It was life sized. Like, I'd go to the art room every chance I could get to work on it.  My friend (we became friends in 7th grade and are still very close today)  told me, "I always just thought you were that weird girl with the paper cat in art class"  Apparently, they would make fun of me when I would go in to work on it.  Well, guess who placed 3rd in the school wide, paper mache, art contest? Take that, bitches!  Who's the loser now?

My mom had that cat on display in our dining room for years. hahaa.  What a sweet mama I have.



** At the end of the summer after 6th grade, right before starting 7th grade, I decided that I didn't want bangs.  BUT I did not want to wait for them to grow out.  So the most logical thing to do, in my mind, was to shave them off.  Oh yes, I did.  I instantly regretted it.  I didn't want anyone to see me.  It was mortifying.  I would pull the sides of my hair over it to sort of hide it but right in the middle was visible.  I ended up cutting bangs again to hide it, which is why when they finally grew out my bangs were super thick.  You can sort of see the shaved part in this pic, as it was growing out...

We often wore matching shirts. 

Dang, my mother really should have tweezed my eyebrows

** Moving on to 7th grade...there was a boy that I liked who lived down the street from one of my friends, so they both rode the same school bus.  I asked her to ask him if he'd ever "go out" with me.  She asked and he answered, "No, because she's a lesbian"  12 yr old boys are so kind.

I can't really blame him though....



This is me in 7th grade (on left), still sporting the flannel shirts and crop tops

Taken in the bathroom at school

For their own sake, I will not name the other girls

** Still 7th grade...We all (me and my 3 friends)  were in love with the same boy.  We would write poems about him, listen to love songs while talking about him and the worst:  we would call his home (I stole the number off of the class roll at school) and play "For You I Will" by Monica into the phone and then hang up.  We did this at every sleepover, until that ill-fated night when his older sister *69ed the phone number, called us back, and told us to stop calling.

** We decided the next step to take with this boy was to write a group letter to him.  It went something along these lines "We really like you.  You're a cool guy.  We'd love to be friends with you.  Is that okay?"  And then we all signed it and passed it to him.  I think we had a line on there for him to sign, to show that he was in agreement.  It was ridiculous.

**This same boy sat one row over and one seat back from me in history class.  One day we were making animal noises in class and someone made a really funny one and I laughed so hard that I farted.  LOUD.  He sooo heard it and said "Ugh!  Becky did you just fart?" The only thing I could come up with on the spot was, "I didn't fart...I was just making elephant noises with my mouth"  I then preceded to recreate an elephant noise with my mouth.  But I couldn't... and he knew the truth.  It was painfully embarrassing.

** My husband likes this next story and quotes it often.  The summer after 7th grade I was afraid I would never see that boy again, so I mustered up some courage and called...his friend.  Come on now, I was not brave enough to talk to my dream lover one on one.  So I called his friend and asked him "Well, do you think he'd ever go out with me?  Like, maybe we could meet at the movies or something...."  And he said "Yeah, I'm sure he'd be down for that.  I mean, it's not like he's only into looks" 

Ouch.  Teenage boys aren't even aware of how poorly they choose their words.

And no, he never did agree to meet me at the movies.  Apparently he was only into looks

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Those are my favorite (and most horrifying) middle school stories.  High school wasn't much better.  I may have to do a separate blog for high school.  Here are some more pictures for your entertainment :)

8th grade dance

I'm in the middle, bottom row...matching my friend, yet again

Notice the giant bangs? 

This is my sophomore year of high school (I am on top)

This is when I discovered Sun-In and theater.

I am on the far left in red.  Theater class.

If you have any embarrassing middle/high school stories I'd love to hear them!